Surviving anxiety through Faith and Affirmations

Updated: Feb 19, 2020

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

There is an old Jamaican saying, “everyday bucket a go a well, one day di battam mus’ drop out.”

—For everything, there is a breaking point.

I have been seeing articles about people silently suffering from depression and anxiety. The world lost renowned chef Anthony Bourdain, fashion design mogul Kate Spade, and Chester Bennington of Linkin Park to suicide as a result of anxiety and/or depression. If I were to name more names, we would be here for a while. They appeared strong and successful but secretly harbored thoughts of unworthiness and failure. They opened the door for further exploration of my own experience. I had a breaking point and I bounced back. But, I believe there should be more stories of triumph, more stories about conquering the darkness. I believe we can overcome life’s complexities and unreasonable, unrealistic expectations of happiness and find peace. Here is how my faith and affirmations helped me.

I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2015 after seeing a Psychiatrist for some paperwork. I thought the random things I was experiencing were completely normal and basically ignored them until then. She recommended therapy and I attended a few sessions but had to stop because my insurance didn’t cover it. I also couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket anymore.

Some of my old feelings were easily identified but something changed. There were little signs but the first time I noticed a difference was right after my birthday in 2016. It was a rainy Monday so I skipped the gym and went straight home from work. Everything was routine but I was restless. I started pacing the floor. I suddenly felt like there was something missing. I tried sleeping but that was a complete wash. I scrolled through Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest; I tried writing, I watched Netflix, but nothing. I was tired but I just couldn’t sleep. I opened the Bible app on my phone and started reading, Exodus 14 (Moses leading the Children of Israel out of Egypt). I got to verse 14 and I stopped. I read the words over and over again and that’s how I fell asleep. But that was just the first night.

I wrote about it a few days after. The ability to identify what was happening was a blessing in disguise, but I was blind to the fact that there was something deeper going on. In fact, it had been happening for some time, and this was obvious in my writing. I scrolled through my old Instagram posts and it slowly dawned on me. I used my words as a crutch. I had hoped, if I spread enough positivity around, it would eventually come back to me. I clung to my faith, quoting scriptures, found the right songs, and searched for spiritual leaders who served as constant reminders of God’s love for me.

Then it happened.