“It Nuh Look Good” — How Cultural Perfectionism Fuels Second-Hand Shame

We’ve all heard it before: “It nuh look good.” It might sound harmless, even caring, but it often hides something more toxic: second-hand shame. Not the kind of shame that sparks accountability, but the kind that silences us, isolates us, and punishes us for being human.

This post explores how cultural perfectionism creates fear of judgment, why it’s so damaging, and what it takes to break the cycle.

What “It Nuh Look Good” Really Means

Recently, I saw a post where the author called out commentators on a previous post. They had shared a sensitive issue, not seeking attention or pity, just support.

The reaction? “Take it down.” “It nuh look good.”

This is too shameful, too raw, too messy, and too imperfect. But here’s the truth: when someone says “It nuh look good”, what they often mean is:

“If you look bad, I might look bad by association. And I can’t afford to be seen as imperfect.”

That’s second-hand shame in action, protecting their own image at the cost of your healing.

How Second-Hand Shame Shows Up

• Social media judgment–Pressuring people to delete posts that are “too real.”

• Life transitions–divorces, breakups, job loss — all framed as failures rather than acts of self-preservation.

• Community gossip–more focus on “what people might think” than on the harm done.

  
  

I’ve seen it firsthand. Someone close to me was verbally attacked with unkind and untrue words. Instead of focusing on the hurt, they worried more about what the community heard and what they might think. The mere thought of public embarrassment was more painful than the incident itself.

Why We Hide Our Struggles

Shame is one of the earliest emotions we feel. It’s rooted in our fear of disconnection , of being cast out from a group, community, or family.

It says: “If they see the real me, they’ll leave.” So we curate, conform, and condemn. And in doing so, we punish not only ourselves but others, reinforcing the same toxic perfectionism that hurt us.

Who Benefits From Our Silence?

When we silence ourselves to “look good,” the people who benefit are often those who profit from appearances staying polished and problems staying hidden.

Perfection is not just personal, it’s cultural, and it keeps us stagnant. Too many people stay in harmful situations because the shame of freedom feels heavier than the pain of staying.

Breaking the Cycle

If we want healthier, more authentic relationships, we have to:

1. Name second-hand shame when it happens.

2. Normalize imperfection as part of healing and growth.

3. Stop punishing vulnerability — online and offline.

   
   

Because maybe if we stopped ostracizing people for telling their truth and choosing better, we could finally move forward, together.

Ask Yourself:

• Who taught me that my messiness is unacceptable?

• How do I react when someone else shows theirs?

• Am I protecting them, or protecting my image?

  
  

Let’s talk:Have you ever experienced second hand shame? How did it shape your choices?