Finding Your Voice: 5 Steps to Heal the Inner Child Taught to Be Silent

From Silence to Self-Expression: Why You Struggle to Speak Up

“Speak when you’re spoken to. Answer when you’re called.”

A subtle, tidy little way of saying shut up.

I mastered that instruction early. In retrospect, it did more harm than good. Many of us were told to be quiet so often as children that it smothered our ability to speak when speaking was necessary. Saying no felt like rebellion. Disagreeing felt dangerous. We learned to swallow our discomfort, our needs, our instincts. Eventually, silence stopped being obedience and became a habit.

How we talk to children shapes more than their childhood. It shapes their voices. And as adults, recognizing the root of our own silence in the children around us is a profoundly healing experience. Seeing it in myself has pushed me to change what the next generation inherits, especially the ones who share my blood.

I found the courage to use my voice truly. To be intentional. To mean what I say and stand by it. My peace of mind is non-negotiable. If something disturbs it, I’m going to activate my voice, not just in my writing, but in my life. For years, I prioritized other people’s comfort over my own, and it never served me.

Reclaiming Your Voice from Childhood Trauma

That brings me back to the essential questions:

How do you learn to speak up when you were raised to stay quiet?

How do you heal the inner child who was taught that silence was safety?

BetterUp describes inner child work as recognizing and healing childhood trauma through “re-parenting” — meeting the emotional needs that went unmet. As an adult, you become the caregiver for the younger version of yourself you didn't have. This kind of self-discovery helps clarify behaviors, triggers, wants, and needs.

Developing this self-awareness can lead to:

• Understanding how past trauma shapes present behavior 

• Healthier coping mechanisms 

• Reconnecting with forgotten passions and talents

 • Feeling more empowered and in control 

• Better emotional regulation 

• Stronger self-esteem, self-compassion, and compassion for others

Speaking Anyway—Actionable Steps to Overcome Perfectionism

In my book April Showers, poetry gave me a doorway into my awareness. Writing helped me meet myself honestly. But getting to honesty took work. It took unlearning, relearning, and choosing to hear my voice even when it trembled.

Here are 5 Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Voice and Set Boundaries:

Embracing solitude.

Getting comfortable with your own company is a quiet superpower. Stillness forces clarity. When I finally let myself sit with my own thoughts, without distraction or noise, I could finally hear what I wanted, what I feared, and what I was avoiding.

Paying attention to reactions.

Triggers are tiny teachers. They reveal what still hurts. Most times, our reaction says more about our internal world than the situation at hand. When something bothered me deeply, I learned to ask myself why — not to blame myself, but to understand how I feel and, most importantly, the root cause. Often, our triggers are based on insecurities, ego, and even the need for attention.

Staying attuned to your emotions.

Self-awareness is one way for you to access the child within. Anger, guilt, embarrassment — whatever rises to the surface — is information. Your emotions point toward an unmet need, an old wound, or a boundary being crossed.

Protecting your peace with boundaries.

The University of Illinois describes boundaries as self-care guidelines for how we want to be treated. They’re not walls; they’re clarity. They tell people what’s acceptable and what’s not. And yes, people will resist your boundaries if they benefit from your lack of them. Set them anyway. That’s part of finding your voice, too.

Speaking, even when your tone isn’t perfect.

I’ve been told I sound firm. Sometimes authoritative. I’m working on it — tone matters, but content matters more. We get so caught up in how something was said that we ignore what was said. Communication is tone, but it’s also context, interpretation, and intention. Take the risk. Speak anyway.

Not everyone who talks freely is speaking from a healed place. Some people’s words fly with no filter because they’re still talking from old wounds. That’s the flip side of silence: loudness without awareness.

“Speaking” isn’t just releasing words into the air. It’s choosing words that carry meaning, especially for you and for the person receiving them. Words that invite clarity, conversation, or even disagreement are handled with maturity.

Hurt people will always speak in ways that hurt.

Your job is to speak — and mind your speech — with intention, awareness, and truth.

If this spoke to you, share it. And if you’ve ever had to reclaim your voice, leave a comment, your truth could help someone else find theirs.