Updated: Feb 19, 2020
As we approach the end of the year of your coming, there are a few things I would like to discuss with you. I understand that at 17 I made a number of ‘promises’ but even with mild untapped psychic abilities I was unable to foresee the next 13 years. I was on my way to shaking the world and fulfilling a multitude of dreams. As you know, I am still working on that. There are times that I harp on the fact that I did not accomplish those specific goals. I kick myself and wish I had done more, said more, and even tried a different route but who am I to even map out a path for my future? Why did I think that things were going to happen exactly as planned? I was wrong, so wrong.
The past 13 years obviously did not pan out the way I expected it to. There was my first problem, I expected a lot, maybe too much. I planned and planned and prayed and hoped and even acted on a lot of things. God had a different plan for my life. I learned early to trust his will. This year even more than ever.
The stress that you put me through ends now, in fact it ended a while ago but this is your formal notice. I came to terms with the ridiculous planning that went on when I was a naïve 17 year old girl. Things started to change about 5 or so years later, I began trusting God more. Faith rescued my poor soul. It started with disappointment from family, friends and even being disappointed with my own actions. I began to realize that when I planned, God decided that something was better. I let go and let God. Year after year as things changed, my faith got deeper. I prayed about everything and everyone. Big decisions, little decisions, falling in love and getting over people. There were so many ups and downs, heartache and tears. My 17 year old self had no idea what was ahead. The journey to 30.
I made it; most of my friends did too. You’re really not worth the hype or the struggle. You’re just a number loaded with expectations. Expectations smothered with disappointment and no straight-forward remedy. There were so many times that I had to pull out the motivation card. Personally, I’m still building, still working to achieve the materialistic goals set by our rigged society. On the plus side, 30, I bloomed. Yes, bloomed.
I have accepted my accomplishments. There are quite a few people who beam with pride about my accomplishments. It warms my heart to know that I at least lived up to their expectations.
The sense of peace that is in my life right now is beautiful. Faith keeps me strong; faith keeps me going. Worry, though inherently human, is rather contradictory to my beliefs. I have accepted that where I am is where I should be. Everything happens for a reason, what I make of my current situation is totally up to me; I chose to be positive. I chose to bloom. I chose to rise above the struggle and be that beautiful flower. I once wrote that maybe my purpose is to be someone else’s purpose. I could be the reason they fight harder, be stronger and even go after their dreams. I chose to bloom. I am happy when those around me are happy. I chose to bloom.
So, maybe 30, you’re not so bad. Maybe you’re what I needed. God used you to get to me! To get me to see what he’s been saying. Trust me.
I will never get back the years but I would never trade the experiences. My journey is my journey. I have no regrets, only lessons. Frankly, 30, you’re still just a number and I am still blooming.
With all my love,
Miki love 💜